What Is Behind Our Addictions?
Exploring the Emotions Behind Compulsive Behaviors.
3 min read | Illustration by Allan Matias
Do you ever wonder why some people become addicted to substances, work, shopping, food or sex- while others do not? As an addiction develops, what creates its powerful hold? At Downtown Somatic Therapy, we believe that all addictions are rooted in emotional pain or trauma, and that true healing comes when that pain is recognized and treated.
Addictions often develop because people are looking for ways to soothe or forget their pain. By using substances or engaging in behaviors that affect our endorphin systems, we get temporary relief from our pain. We are able to forget – at least temporarily – our emotional loss, isolation or trauma, and feel a sense of peace and calm, or engagement and excitement. The problem is that the use of the substance or activity rarely provides long-term peace and happiness. In fact, by trying to go around the pain, instead of facing it, we only make things worse.
Often, that pain is rooted in trauma. A simple definition of trauma is an experience of emotional pain that is too much for us to handle in that moment. For each person, that threshold is different, and the degree to which we suffered the pain alone will often define the extent of the trauma. Trauma might arise from a devastating loss or violence, but it can also involve something that appears much more mundane on the surface such as neglect from a depressed parent.
In a culture in which many people judge addictions and see them as weak -- or in other cases, such as with addiction to work or power, as admirable -- it may be difficult to understand the truth behind our addictions or to recognize that they may also represent our best attempts at that moment to deal with unbearable pain. We may be hiding behind shame, or simply so invested in our effort to find comfort externally that we can’t admit to ourselves that we are suffering.
“In therapy, we are able to slow down, which allows us to feel and see what lies beneath our behaviors.”
For some people, the pain is on the surface, and we just need to be supported by another person as we experience the feelings. Others will have a more difficult time accessing that pain. But, as psychotherapist Anne Heller says, “The body never lies. And as we tune into what our body is feeling, the emotional pain naturally finds its voice.“
And because we are social beings, it is critical to not bear the pain alone. People need connection. That is one of the reasons that therapy is so effective. With therapy, we are provided with a safe place to work through emotional pain, and we are able to find more lasting relief.
“By experiencing their emotions, clients often feel relieved and lighter, as though a weight has been lifted”, says psychotherapist Sarah Shuster. The experience of sharing our emotions with a skilled and trusted therapist can be transforming, leading us to alter the narrative we tell ourselves about our lives. We do not need to relive the trauma; in fact, that can be harmful. What is important is to experience the emotions, to no longer hide from them, and with the help of a skilled therapist, to see that that emotional pain is not too much to bear. By processing these emotions, we can feel much calmer, more at peace, and better able to engage with friends, family and loved ones. The emotions that we were once afraid to experience become the keys to our healing, growth, and happiness.