When Talking Isn't Enough: How IFS Therapy Heals Trauma by Tuning Into Your Body
Have you ever felt like two people are having an argument inside you? Maybe one part desperately wants to be open and trusting, while another part slams the door shut at the first sign of vulnerability. If this internal tug-of-war feels familiar, you're not alone and you're not broken.
3 min read
Key points:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps us understand the many different parts we have within us. Like our external families, this internal family consists of parts of all kinds
IFS recognizes that trauma creates a system of wounded parts and protective parts that continue operating long after the danger has passed
IFS views the internal family as having 3 parts: Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters, all of which overlay the Core Self
Somatic modalities like IFS create opportunities for stuck trauma energy to release safely in a controlled environment
Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps us understand the many different parts we have within us. Like our external families, this internal family consists of parts of all kinds–some are adult parts that help us navigate our grown up world and some are young parts that go way back to when we were children.
When young parts that have been around for a while dig their heels in and run the show, this can leave us feeling stuck and like we don't have control over how our body responds. This is exactly what IFS was designed to address. IFS therapy, particularly when integrated with somatic approaches, offers an innovative path to deep understanding of what motivates our thoughts, actions, and impulses.
Particularly in addressing trauma, IFS goes beyond just talk therapy and can take what feels like an overwhelming obstacle and help organize it bit by bit through the exploration of your parts.
Understanding Trauma Through an IFS Lens
Let’s talk about trauma. According to the DSM-V (the manual clinicians use to diagnose), trauma is exposure to actual or threatened events involving death, serious injury or sexual violation directly or indirectly. That’s a good start, but there’s so much more to it. “I’m of the belief that trauma has so much more to do with what happens inside you when these external events occur,” shares Austin Dalgleish, a therapist at Downtown Somatic Therapy. “What can be most painful about our experience is having to go through something overwhelming…while feeling alone with it. The effect of unwanted aloneness in the face of something really difficult is my definition of trauma”.
Trauma isn't simply what happened to you–it's the emotional muscle memory your body incorporates to protect you from experiencing something harmful again. Traditional therapy often focuses on processing the traumatic event itself, but IFS takes a fundamentally different approach. It recognizes that trauma creates a system of wounded parts and protective parts that continue operating long after the danger has passed.
"I had one client who came to me after years of conventional talk therapy," shares Dalgleish. "She could talk about her trauma intellectually, but it didn't help her make the meaningful change she wanted. The trauma she endured instilled a deeply-held belief about herself that she was a bad person deep down. She knew intellectually that she was actually a good person, but something in her gut was holding onto the belief that she was bad. Until she dropped down into her body more to address this negative self belief, we felt a bit stuck in her head and it was hard to make progress. So together, we explored getting past just talking about how she actually was a good person and we paid more attention to how this trauma lives in her body in the present day. Through this work, we saw how her protective parts were still working overtime by keeping her in her head, and her wounded parts were kept away, untouched."
The IFS Model: Three Types of Parts
Internal Family Systems, created by Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, invites us to see our minds as a system of parts–each with its own story and desire to protect us. Each of these parts has ways of connecting and relating with one another, forming a network within us, or an internal family.
Exiles are the young, vulnerable parts that carry traumatic pain–the shame, fear, and worthlessness from overwhelming experiences. Our bodies often signal their presence through sleep disturbances, GI issues, headaches, or tension in the chest and shoulders. One client described sensing her exile as "a small child curled up in the corner of a dark room, convinced she's too much for anyone to love." This part had been locked away since childhood, but her body remembered–manifesting as chronic stomach pain that no medical test could explain.
Managers are proactive protectors that keep Exiles locked away. They show up as the inner critic, perfectionist, or people-pleaser. Here in the hustle and bustle of NYC, we frequently see managers driving high achievement in people's careers while creating tremendous internal cost. A finance professional came to therapy burnt out and anxious, working 80-hour weeks. His manager part insisted, "If I'm not the best, I'm nothing"–a relentless voice that had been protecting him from feeling the rejection he experienced as a child when his parents dismissed his accomplishments as "not good enough."
Firefighters rush in when Exiles break through, using impulsive strategies to numb the pain: binge eating, substance use, dissociation, or rage. These reactive protectors will do anything to extinguish exiled pain, even if their methods create additional problems. One client found herself binge-watching TV until 3 AM whenever work stress triggered feelings of inadequacy. Another described how a wave of childhood shame would send her straight to the wine bottle or into a rage at her partner–anything to avoid feeling the unbearable vulnerability underneath.
Beneath all these parts lies the "Core Self." Our core self is characterized by the Eight C's: Calm, Curiosity, Compassion, Connectedness, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, and Clarity. Healing happens when the Self leads the system with compassion, creating space for all parts to be heard and unburdened.
How IFS Can Heal Trauma: Unburdening
Building trust and safety in your internal family system can be really hard work, but it can lead to deep transformation and allow us to shed the weight of things we no longer need to carry. Here's how we can use IFS to get beneath the feeling and start connecting with our parts:
Finding and Focusing: First, like many somatic modalities (like Somatic Experiencing or Hakomi Method) we start by locating where a feeling lives in your body. A therapist might ask, "Where do you feel that in or around your body?" One client described an anxious feeling as "a tight band around my chest, constantly vibrating."
Befriending the Protectors: Then, instead of trying to eliminate difficult parts or what doesn't feel good, we get curious. What are these parts protecting? Why? We assume they have a really good reason to be protecting you so much. Often, these protector parts are critical and can keep us from leaning into the vulnerability we need to grow. Instead of trying to push that part out, we try to get to know it. Maybe we learn that it saw you get hurt at a young age and wants to keep you far away from getting hurt again. Then, we can move forward understanding this part means well and wants to help.
A client working with Tony Ruiz at Downtown Somatic Therapy, after making a breakthrough with a critical part, put it so simply: "once I heard what this part needed me to know and appreciated what it was trying to do, it stopped creating chaos."
Unblending: Trauma leaves us "blended" with our parts–we don't just feel angry, we are the anger. IFS creates separation: "I notice a part of me feels angry." This space allows the Self to lead with compassion. By creating some distance from our parts, we gain more perspective on the landscape of our internal system and we can begin to relate to them instead of feeling overtaken by them. A simple way to start building some space between our Self and a particular part is to just ask yourself: how old does this part feel? Can you think of what age you were when this part was most useful?
Unburdening: And then, once protective parts trust the Self, they may eventually permit access to the Exiles they've been guarding. These wounded parts can finally share their stories, feel witnessed, and release burdens like "I'm worthless" or "It's not safe to trust."
Why Somatic Integration Is Essential
Here's what many traditional therapies miss: trauma is stored in the nervous system and body, not just the mind. You can intellectually understand your trauma, but if your body still holds the terror, healing remains relatively inaccessible.
At Downtown Somatic Therapy, we integrate body-centered approaches with IFS:
Grounding techniques keep you anchored during intense work–feeling your feet on the floor, taking deep breaths, noticing the safety of the therapy room. These signal to your nervous system that "you're not in danger now."
Tracking the Sensations: Noticing all the small sensations that comprise how you may be feeling. Philosopher and psychologist Eugene Gendlin, calls this the felt sense: the pre-verbal, embodied sense that is composed of thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that is much more than the sum of its parts. Paying more attention to this felt sense brings us closer to knowing more of our parts. The knot in your stomach, the tightness in your jaw–these physical sensations are the language of parts. "It's all about slowing down and noticing," says therapist Austin Dalgleish. "You'd be surprised how clearly people begin to experience these parts and recognize when and how they show up."
Safe Discharge: Somatic modalities like IFS create opportunities for stuck trauma energy to release safely. Through gentle movement, deep exhales, and allowing suppressed emotions to flow through tears in a safe environment, we can create pathways for our parts to be accessed and heard, giving way to deeper emotional release.
From Fragmentation to Wholeness
The goal of IFS therapy is to bring all your parts closer to harmony–fostering relationships with each part so they work together instead of pulling you apart. As internal harmony develops, physical health often improves too. Bodies relax, chronic stress symptoms lessen, and calm emerges. When your inner world becomes peaceful, your outer world–relationships, work, daily life–naturally improves.
Working with IFS isn't about elimination, but integration. Not fixing, but understanding. Not fighting yourself, but finally, compassionately, coming home to all of who you are. Learning to accept our wholeness in all of these parts can be incredibly challenging and bring up fierce resistance. In working with some of the more challenging parts, you might say, “I don’t want to listen to these parts...they already get so much air time. I want to know the rest of me.” That makes sense–these parts can be so hard to be with. But when we try to eliminate them, they usually fight back harder. These parts developed to protect you, and once they trust that you can handle what they've been carrying, they often relax on their own. The goal isn't to make them disappear, but to update their role so they're not running your life anymore.
IFS isn't alone in this approach, but it provides a clear structure and roadmap to help the therapy journey achieve your deeper goals toward healing and self-acceptance. Modalities like AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are great supplements to IFS and help deepen the processing of trauma.
Ready to Begin?
If you're seeking lasting trauma resolution through IFS and somatic therapy, you don't have to navigate this journey alone. At Downtown Somatic Therapy, our therapists understand that healing trauma is a full-body experience.
By understanding and integrating your internal parts with compassionate, body-aware therapy, you can create a life that feels balanced, fulfilled, and aligned with who you truly are. Your path to a more harmonious life may be more attainable than you think.
Contact Downtown Somatic Therapy to schedule a free consultation with one of our therapists who can guide you toward self-acceptance and wholeness.