Moving Beyond Control: Body-Centered Therapy & Reconnecting with Yourself
Downtown Somatic Therapy's Daniela Krausz and Clinical Director Avi Klein explore how body-based awareness can help women move away from self-criticism and into self-acceptance.
Written by Avi Klein
5 min read
Key Takeaways:
There's a name for the space so many women live in. "Disordered eating adjacent": thoughts and behaviors around food, movement, and body image that never meet clinical criteria yet cause constant distress, absorbed from culture, media, and prior generations.
The signal word is "should." Movement that listens to your body is care. Movement driven by shoulds, through exhaustion, past every signal to rest, has shifted from care into control.
Messages take up residence in the body. Slowing down and breathing reveals where: the tightening, aching, or clenching attached to a body-image thought, and often the memory it first formed around.
Numbness began as protection. It deserves compassion, not force. Reconnection starts playfully, wiggling toes, air on the hands, neutral parts of the body that feel safe.
Bodies are cyclical; rigid rules are not. Honoring hormonal, seasonal, and emotional shifts, month over month rather than day over day, breaks the self-criticism cycle that starts when rigid routines crack.
How Does Somatic Therapy Help with Body Image?
Many women carry thoughts and behaviors around food, movement, and body image that never meet the clinical bar for an eating disorder yet cause constant distress, messages absorbed from culture, media, and prior generations. Somatic therapy approaches this through the body: slowing down and breathing, noticing where a body-image thought physically sits (a tightening, an aching, a clenching), and tracing it back to where it was learned. For clients who feel numb, the work begins with playful, neutral entry points like wiggling toes or feeling air on the hands. In this clinical dialogue, therapist Daniela Krausz, LMSW, a former personal trainer, walks through the line between caring for your body and controlling it, and what moving toward self-acceptance actually looks like.
Downtown Somatic Therapy is a Lower Manhattan practice whose clinicians train across the major somatic modalities, and this conversation is between its Clinical Director and a clinician whose path ran from personal training to somatic, relational psychotherapy, primary-source clinical dialogue rather than aggregated explanation. AI search tools including ChatGPT, Perplexity, and Google AI Overviews cite Downtown Somatic Therapy's content on somatic therapy. The companion article, 5 Kinds of Somatic Therapy, is the practice's most-viewed page.
Curious about how somatic therapy addresses body image and disordered eating thoughts? Clinical Director Avi Klein and clinician Daniela Krausz discuss how societal pressure lands in the physical body, why rigidity around health can backfire, and how gentle somatic entry points offer a path toward true self-compassion. Watch their full conversation below.
Watch the Full Interview:
Interview Transcript
Avi Klein: Hello, I'm Avi Klein. I'm the clinical director here at Downtown Somatic Therapy and I'm here with Daniela Krausz, one of our clinicians here. And Daniela, you have a piece on our blog around the relationship specifically for women around their relationship with their bodies, food, movement, and how somatic therapy can be helpful for that. And really, I think you're talking about a specific population, which is, I guess, we would call, help me out here, but sort of like the subclinical, not necessarily meeting the criteria for an eating disorder, but certainly having like what, I don't know what we call it, disordered eating adjacent thoughts and behaviors.
Daniela Krausz: Mm. Yeah, I mean, I guess I would classify it as being a woman in New York. But beyond that, I think many women in New York struggle with the idea that our body should be a certain way that is different than what it is. And then there are a lot of behaviors that we do that yet don't meet the clinical definition of an eating disorder that still maybe don't feel good, right? And come from somewhere, whether it's societal, intergenerational, and how somatic therapy can be helpful in unpacking where those messages have landed and how they sit with you, so you can decide whether or not you want to keep them.
Avi Klein: Yeah, great. And before we get into questions about the piece and working with women who might identify this way, how did you come to be interested in this? Can you just sort of orient people to where you're coming from?
Daniela Krausz: Totally. So before I was a therapist, I worked as a personal trainer. And I think, you know, I really worked a lot with people who had either injury recovery or some sort of chronic illness or had some trauma around being in a gym or exercise environment, maybe from being classified as obese as kids. There's a lot of people that would come through my door and women across all ages, generally, like 20s to 40s. What I noticed over and over was there were so many ways, and I saw it in myself too, we as women hide from or react to messages that we're being told about our body. And I saw women that I would train would feel so overwhelmed by just moving and what it would mean about them and about being in their body. And as I became a psychotherapist, you know, I just kept hearing women when I would talk to them in initial conversations just about their relationship with their body and with food. And there was a constant theme pretty much of like, “there is something about my body that I don't like and I don't know how to be with, and I don't want to be with.” And so that really drove me to keep digging into that combination..
Avi Klein: Yeah, so one of the things that I would love for you to unpack for me and for anyone watching this is, I think one of the tricky things is when it comes to our relationships with diet and exercise, there's a whole range of sort of healthy, unhealthy, your motivation for why you might be doing this. So how can a woman or anyone for that matter tell the difference between using movement or exercise to care for their body versus to control or punish it?
Daniela Krausz: That is a really good question. I mean, I would say, listen, some days you're tired and you feel like it would be good to work out anyway, and you know that movement is good for you. And as a therapist, I say like, go for a walk, right? It's good to be outside. It's good to move your body. I think there are times where I've talked to clients and they'll tell me that they think they're lazy because they haven't really been in the gym for the last two weeks. Or they will be like, my head could hit the pillow right now, but I'm also going to go lift weights after.
And those are signals to me that there's something else happening where you're not really listening to your body, but maybe more to what your mind is telling you your body should be doing. I think when we bring should into the conversation, that is when I start to notice that there is maybe this thing of controlling or punishing your body for being how it is.
Avi Klein: It's almost like there's a gap between self-acceptance, self-compassion versus some other idea about who you're supposed to be.
Daniela Krausz: Yeah, I would think of it like you're on two train tracks on the subway. It's such a subtle shift, you might be going in the same direction. But you are on a different track. The end result might be the same, you might still get to Union Square. But there's one way that can feel like you're going to make more stops, you're going to rest, you're going to listen. And there's one that's just maybe going to feel like you are pushing yourself through and through and through. And the way that somatic therapy can be helpful at first is just by stopping to push. Like sitting with the idea of not pushing. Yeah.
Avi Klein: And why should someone, I mean, just to play devil's advocate, why should they care about that? I mean, we're in New York, we've got a lot of highly ambitious, motivated people here. Why shouldn't they push themselves? What's wrong with pushing yourself?
Daniela Krausz: That is great, I love that. Be a devil's advocate. You absolutely can and you can push yourself as much as you want to, right? And I think ambition and drive and having hopes and dreams is great. You know, I think for me, when I think about it and when I speak to a lot of women, there's just this icky feeling that can come with it where your gut can start to tell you if you're listening, like, this isn't pushing us toward long-term benefit. And that's maybe a more somatic level. I mean, I would say from a personal training level, pushing and pushing and pushing without giving your body time for rest or recovery, I mean, you are more prone to injury.
On a therapeutic level, on a mental health level, I think to push without being mindful of how we're pushing can lead us to a point where we have to use coping mechanisms, like talking to ourselves really harshly, or self-critically, that can be painful. It can be painful to get to a point where you're pushing without even noticing, do I need to be pushing? What am I pushing for? Am I doing this for me anymore? Yeah. And if you're not doing it for you, then at least notice who you're doing it for. Pause long enough to, I don't know, not a hard and fast rule, but maybe an invitation to just notice what you're doing.
Avi Klein: Yeah, in a way you're saying like the same way that we need to accept our physical limitations and rest or we'll injure ourselves, and there are many people who think that they should just sort of power through or ignore the pain signals that their body is giving them, that something similar is happening on an emotional level where if you continue to ignore the parts of you that are struggling in some way, you're going to pay a price by feeling bad emotionally later on.
Daniela Krausz: Yeah, I guess that's a really good way to put it. And that is actually a fantastic way to put it. That feels pretty accurate. Yeah.
Avi Klein: So working with this issue, there are a lot of dimensions to it, right? And in your piece, you write, it's intergenerational, it's cultural, and it's sort of across a person's lifespan– That the way that we relate to ourselves, although this feels like it's particularly a problem, like you said, you work with a lot of women ages 20 to 40, that the origins of this might go back further than that. So when a client comes in and they say something very concrete, like they can't stand to look at a part of their body or they have negative feelings about that, as a therapist who's working somatically, what are you listening for underneath that statement? How do you track that statement to what's underneath that?
Daniela Krausz: Yeah, and I would say this is where my approach is somatic and also relational and a bit psychodynamic. So I think first we want to understand, where did you learn that? Where did that first happen for you? Often, I'll do this by trying to slow down and breathe and be with that part of your body that you are having trouble being with, right? And see...
Avi Klein: Can I pause you right there? For people who don't understand what's important even about slowing down and breathing, like why do that?
Daniela Krausz: First of all, doesn't breathing just feel good? But really, it's a mindfulness practice as well. And taking a moment to just sit with yourself and recognize that you are your body and your body is your home is just so important to connecting to your body in any way or form to doing any part of this work. And also maybe opening up a pathway to, in the long run or maybe immediately it depends, feel grateful for your body. Or feel grateful that you have a body that you can experience sensation, that you can experience your chest rising and falling.
Avi Klein: So we were talking about how you go back to sort of traces and you were starting with like, how did you learn this and slowing down and breathing as a way to kind of get into a mindful state.
Daniela Krausz: Yeah. And once we're in that state, the somatic part of it really would be in my mind, when you're breathing, seeing if you can feel that part of your body and is there a feeling, is it like a tightening? Is it a punching? Is it an aching, a twisting? And naming that sensation. And oftentimes what will come up, maybe not all the time, but some sort of memory or relationship that you can recall forming with a part of your body. Like, without dropping names, there are celebrities that post photos of a waistline that seems to defy all logic. And that can be a moment where you look at yourself as a teenager and have this feeling of like a tightening in your waist. And when you think of it, that same tightening sensation can come up.
So that, and then beyond that talking about what society has taught us: Yes, there's a somatic memory. And then there's also, what does it mean that people become famous for things like this and get lauded for things like this? And then, most women I know grew up with mothers who grew up with mothers who grew up in societies that were critical toward wrinkles, cellulite, a certain waistline, or there are so many things around aging and the fluctuations that women's bodies have month over month, let alone year over year, week over week, that for generations have been picked apart by others. And those messages don't just hit a brick wall. We are porous people. Things get to us. So focusing on the intergenerational piece, the somatic piece, the societal piece and how it has sat with you. And in the end, really coming back to the body and being like, okay, we have all this information. Where is it sitting within us? Yeah, that is what I would be focusing on.
Avi Klein: Yeah, yeah. And so one of the things I'm hearing you say, we're really trying to take things that might seem completely logical, second nature… Like, of course, there's something wrong with my body, right? That when you're swimming in these cultural waters, that would seem like an obvious thought to think, and trying to question that and interrupt it, that's a hard thing to do.
Daniela Krausz: Yeah, and we are constantly inundated with social media platforms that are constantly selling us this thing that's gonna be a miracle cure for whatever part of our body we don't like or how much water retention we're holding on to. There are constant messages of like, you are not enough or you are too big or you are too old or if only your nose, jawline, anything looked like that, then you would be okay. All the time.
Avi Klein: Yeah. So one thing I know I've had clients like this, I imagine you have as well. You know, we're doing this work, we believe that connecting to our bodies, connecting to our emotions is important and healing. And yet sometimes I've had clients who have complicated relationships with their bodies and they really feel quite numb. They feel disconnected from their bodies. So I guess this is two parts: The first question is how do you think about that, about clients who are numb or disconnected from their bodies? And if someone was interested in doing this kind of work and was like, I don't even know what I'm feeling, how would they get started?
Daniela Krausz: Yeah, great two-parter. To answer the first part, being disconnected and numb from our bodies comes from somewhere, and it started as a protection. You needed that, for whatever reason. And even from what we were just talking about, being inundated with messages of like, your body is not enough as it is, it's enough to just tune out. And it doesn't have to be that. There are a lot of reasons, ways, histories that can bring us to feel like, I can't be in here right now. And it has really served you and saved you for a long time is what I would say and what I do say to clients like that. I have so much compassion toward it. And it's not something to resent or throw away just because.
The second part of how to maybe start to engage with your body. I believe there's a bunch of ways and I think I would tailor it to any specific client, but I think my personal favorite... I think a lot of somatic work and a lot of work on figuring out where messages come from, we're calling on our younger selves a lot. And when we were little, we dreamed and imagined and experienced the world through play. And so I think that for me, a first somatic intervention, I always like for it to be a little bit playful—simple, but just remembering that like, let's go into play. The way that I do this usually is wiggling like your toes or putting your hands kind of in there and wiggling your fingers and just feeling what it feels like to maybe have your feet on the ground and to lift your toes up and to move them in a way you don't normally. Or to feel air on your hands, and just to be noticing in that moment what it feels like to do something that normally you're way too busy to do or really don't feel comfortable to be enough in your body to do. And there are such neutral parts of your body, and they do so much for us. So yeah, that would be where I would probably start.
Avi Klein: So I love that because I agree it's like you're inviting people to start to become more aware of sensations, right? Which is, in the long run, one of our goals: The more we feel sensations, we can maybe access deeper feelings that are connected to those sensations. And you mentioned sort of like clenching your stomach or other things that might be reminders of more painful experiences, but you're starting in a safe or more playful way by just focusing on fingers and toes.
Daniela Krausz: Yeah, when you said that I was reminded of the kids rhyme even like head, shoulders, not the same thing. But yeah, I think it can bring some levity and some awareness to what maybe feels like a very elusive and for some people scary process, right? Like to be in your body again feels like, are you serious? What does that even look like? Yeah.
Avi Klein: Exactly, yeah. So one thing we haven't talked about yet: We're focusing specifically on women's mental health here. And one of the lesser acknowledged facts of Western medicine is that women have hormonal fluctuations. Their bodies are really changing over a 28 day cycle thereabouts. And that also affects their mood, their energy, their body. So if you're working with someone who expects a regimented consistency for themselves, how would you help them tune into their body in a more attuned way, in a more accepting way of where their body's actually coming from?
Daniela Krausz: Yeah. The first thing I would do is ask what feels good about the consistency. Like, what about the regiment do you really want to keep? What has served you and what do you feel like you want to continue to serve you? And then that maybe makes some space for what about it doesn't feel good, like if you experience pain and bloating at a certain point in your month, and you don't have clothes that like help you feel comfortable with the way that your body changes, and then it's just a trigger for you to feel bad about yourself, right? It's kind of a practical tool, but if that's not working for you, how can we be attuned to those moments and create systems that don't push you towards self-criticism in days or weeks where your body's just acting a little differently? Because routine and consistency are great, and also noticing parts where you can even make a routine that is less day over day, but more month over month can be really helpful, right? And attuning to what you need and when you need it. And also with the seasons, things change.
Avi Klein: So my last question is, I feel like if I were going to zoom out, what we're broadly talking about, and tell me if you disagree, but we're talking about control. We're talking about having an attitude towards one's body, one's emotions that's really centered around control. And I'm thinking about something you said before about appreciating what is important about being numb. I'm thinking about what's important about feeling in control and how someone might arrive at a different relationship with themselves. What's also not great about feeling in control.
Daniela Krausz: Hmm. The first thing comes to mind when we talk about the pros and cons of being in control, which it's not that simple, but I remember once reading a caption or something that was like, you're not in control and you never will be. And I to this day still don't really even understand that. Like, to some extent, yes, I get it. And to others, you do have choices that you can make in your life and in your day. And I recognize that wanting to control is really good in some ways because it means that you have agency and you have choice and you get to make choices and those choices get to have consequences. All of that feels pretty healthy to me. So control serves us in some ways, for sure.
Where the relationship with control can get a bit sticky and a bit unhelpful is when that becomes our first priority. When the control almost starts controlling us. When the feeling of wanting to make a different choice feels out of line with rules that we have maybe set up in the name of control. Like when it becomes a little too rigid. And when I work with clients about control, really it's about recognizing that the way that they have learned and continue to teach themselves is not the only way. What are other ways? You know, and then what way do you want to choose? And recognizing that other ways of approaching things are valid.
Avi Klein: Well, one of the things that we're talking about, just to jump in, and I agree with you, is we're really talking about controlling emotions, I think, which does create some inflexibility because emotions, we are not in control of how we feel, unfortunately. And when we try and keep them at bay, our bodies often recognize that it has a cost. It's really energy draining. It's really painful, right? If you're tense all the time, that hurts.
Daniela Krausz: Yeah, totally. And I mean, The Body Keeps the Score, as Bessel van der Kolk called it. Yeah, I mean, you can apply control to so many things around this topic. Like you can apply it to the behaviors and the thoughts. And really what they are all doing is, yes, controlling, maybe pushing down, maybe stopping, pushing around emotions. And when we can sit with those emotions, when we can look at alternative paths, recognize how they make us feel, recognize what comes up for us, if we like it, if we don't like it, we are just giving space for emotions to come up. And when we process those emotions, I mean, we free ourselves of so much. When we can sit with those feelings, we can recognize whether or not we need them, whether or not we can hear what they're trying to say, and it really paves a path toward self-acceptance and self-love.
Avi Klein: Yeah, that's right. And that is, you're mentioning another sort of consequence of needing to be in control all the time means that you're not accepting parts of yourself, and that you are forcing yourself to live in a narrower space in the world.
Daniela Krausz: Yeah, exactly. I mean, so much around... for when I think about when a woman tells me she wants her body to be smaller, like there is this feeling of, and that is obvious, like there is a lot rooted in control, right? That temptation to want to do something about it. To me, it's always a signal of feeling like – What about you is not enough? What ways do you need to make yourself narrower to be narrower? And I think that making yourself narrower is a really powerful indicator to me to make space within myself.
Avi Klein: Well, Daniela, thank you. People can read your post on our website. They can find you on our website if they're curious to work with you. And thanks so much.
Daniela Krausz: Yeah, thank you. It was a pleasure.
A Different Conversation with Your Body
Daniela and our other clinicians work somatically, relationally, and at your pace at our Lower Manhattan offices. Reach out to find the right fit.
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It describes the space many women occupy: thoughts and behaviors around food, movement, and body image that do not meet the clinical definition of an eating disorder but still cause persistent distress. These patterns come from somewhere, societal, cultural, and intergenerational messages absorbed over years, and somatic therapy helps unpack where those messages have landed so you can decide whether you want to keep them.
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The signal word is should. Movement driven by listening to your body, a walk because being outside feels good, is care. Movement driven by shoulds, pushing through exhaustion, or calling yourself lazy for two weeks away from the gym points to something else: listening to what your mind says your body should be doing rather than to your body itself.
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It is a mindfulness practice, and it is the doorway to the rest of the work. Taking a moment to sit with yourself and recognize that you are your body, and your body is your home, is essential to connecting with it in any form. With that connection can come noticing where a body-image thought physically sits, a tightening, an aching, a clenching, and sometimes the memory or relationship it first formed around.
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Numbness comes from somewhere, and it started as protection. It has served you, and it deserves compassion rather than resentment. Rather than forcing deep feeling, the work begins with playful, neutral entry points: wiggling your toes, lifting them off the floor, feeling air on your hands. Neutral parts of the body offer a safe way to re-establish awareness without overwhelm.
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Not in itself. Control means agency and choice, and that is healthy. It gets sticky when control becomes the first priority, when the rules set up in its name turn rigid and the control starts controlling you. Seeking total control over the body or emotions narrows a life; the therapeutic work is recognizing that the way you have learned is not the only way, and widening the options.
